Uncanny abilities

So I had a most amazing conversation this last night.
Oddly it was in the Smith's grocery parking lot.
I was asked about some of the things I left out of my writing ,
I guess that I just wasn't really ready for him to hear or read what I had
written about him and a few other things.

Though here are a few things that I now remember that I wanted to bring up:

That what I wrote about, my self-esteem, losing things, time, and eyes, these are all tied together, and are actually all about him. I am afraid of telling him some things about myself because I don't know what his reaction will be.

I have had some good things in life and then have seen them go away after I found them.

I am just afraid of losing this good thing that I have right now.

This is one thing that I brought up to him in a way, that "I want to just go to sleep and never wake up from the dream I wish I was living." the one where all that I had in that dreams was good and I never lost it; it grew, I helped it grow continually into something more than I thought was conceivable.

I was thinking about this all last night before I went to bed and dreamed on it as well; I came to the conclusion that when I do realize that I may have something going for me with someone or even a chance, I hold on, I hold on tightly. Because I don't want to lose what I have.
Though thinking about it, this is where the comparison comes in with sand.

When you hold on to sand in your hand too tight, trying keep it from slipping away,

it does just that,

slips through your fingers unwantingly.

And there is nothing that you can do about it either.

All you can do is watch it slip out of your fingers.

I guess that I just need to start loosening my grip on the sand, and what I have; maybe it will stay longer with me. Maybe, just maybe it will continue to flourish and become the something that I have longed for all these years, and turn into the thing that I have searched for and have been told that could happen.

I just wish I could tell him all this WHILE I am with him.

He just has this uncanny ability of making me nervous, full of fluttering butterflies, and I lose all that was on my mind, because it would then be filled with things of him, or nothing there at all, with this overwhelming feeling of comfort and .....peace.
He makes me feel so much more different than some others that I have been around.
I don't know what it is, but I like it, I love the way I feel when I am with or around him.

I can feel my light shine brighter when he is near.

I just need to have faith that what ever the Lord has in store for me, will happen, be fine, and all will work out for the best in the end.

I am starting to see the bigger pickature......