September 19. Sulking

Friday night,
THE night looked forward to all week,
kicks me in the pants.
It sucks worse than any day of the past week.
Who in their right mind wants to stay IN their Effin appartment
ON THE one night looked forward to in the week?

LOSer!
I was out.
I went walking around a park for an hour and a half.
Now the person i was with wanted to go home to bed....at 10.
GAAHHHH what is up with that?!
I don't want to go home!
I DIDNT want to but guess where I ended up?
HOME ALLL ALONE.

Honestly Im sick of girls. I need some testosterone around me.
I cant handle the girl thing anymore..
Thing is, all the guys I would want to hang out with, are all at this lame faced
party. Or are cool and actually go on dates.
Which I am not apart of...
But its cool.
I dont mind not dating. I like being single. I just want to be in my comfort zone again.
I feel so comfortable around most guys...it's so much better than being around girls most of the time.
girls just have so much drama.
Which I am not a big fan of. I despise it.

wow enough of my sulking. I am going

September 19. Exhilaration

So School is going most wonderfully as it could ever.
I have the usual homework load, which is completely fine with me, except a bit of it is minuscule.
I absolutely love both my Physical Geology and my Astronomy classes. I have learned so much in them already. I LOVE IT!!! It feels so good to be back in the learning mode. I sure have missed all of this. Being on campus, in a place that is so cute and quaint, being in classes that start with prayers EVERY beginning of a class. This is all so amazing! I feel so blessed to be one of the ones to come here and earn my education.
So my dance class, which is just a social dance class, we have learned quite a few moves for the Fox Trot, and some single time swing moves. It is so much fun! We have to switch partners after practicing our moves for a few minutes, then we move on continually to dance with different people. I have found a few guys that I dance well with, where we both compliment each other.
OH but yesterday towards the end of my class, I was dancing with this guy that was just about a foot taller than me, and we were trying to figure out the new swing move that our teacher showed us, and he didn't get his hands in the right position, so when I came over to face him after a belly roll, his left arm came down and he elbowed me in the upper lip. Sad.
I could feel it swelling right soon after he did it. 8( I tried my best to not make a big deal about it so he wouldn't feel worse than he already did. But thankfully it happened with only 8 minutes of class left. Fortunately it was my last class...So I came home and put ice on it right away.
By the time I went down the street half a block to Stetson Carroll's house to make dinner for our dinner group, it had gone down a little. But by the end of our dinner group, it was pretty much gone. I was so happy!

Then last night for my astronomy class we have 5 projects that he wants for us to do, and two of mine require using the telescope on top of the Romney Building, where our class is held. I've never actually looked through a telescope that big!!! It was so.....so....Profound! It was so exhilarating! Ah man, It was like seeing for the first time! and it was, I have never really gotten to look at Jupiter that close to see its moons, I have only seen pictures. THIS was forever a MILLION times better than a photograph...It is so amazing! I want a telescope. I will have one when I am able to afford a good one. I love this class. I am soooooooo SOOOO glad that I got a chance to take this class.

But now I am off to go and attend to those things that need attending to. Such as homework, tests, and socializing....all that jazz. PEACE!

MOre pictures from the afternoon of 9/6/08

some college pictures

September 5. Our Nation. (old poem...)

A nation at war.
Volunteering;
going into the unknown.
Fighting for something,
Protection? Life?
Maybe Freedom?
From what? for what?

A once carefully planned government,
Presently hanging by a thread.
Freedom.
What should we really be fighting?
For the lives of those dear to us,
or the ever changing government?
Slowly, taking away or altering the
Constitution for their benefit
taking away our rights.
Who should you be more worried about?
Those who want to destory us as people?
Or the Government who seeks to control everything,
whether in our nation, or others?

So what should we really be fighting for?
We should seek to correct damages done to our Nation and Government
before, seeing to the needs of other nations.

September 5. Letting you in

thoughts of you are brought back to my concious thinking, by the smallest things

like sometthing you once said, said by someone else, which triggers the converstations we had when you said these words.

memories... carried from one to the next. . . playing on the screen in my mind. . . the first time I saw you and the last.

I can't put into words all the things going through my mind. . . wants. . .wishes. . . fears. happiness. . .questions about you, your feelings; unable to word them to ask. . . questions float away never returning.

Does he really like me as much as he says he does? This is one thing I am afraid of; what might happen if I let someone in and gain my heart. I don't know what to do...If I do let someone in what will happen?

Sunshine.

An old poem that I found lying around.

"The Sunrise"

Colors depicted into her mind,
The Sun rising, shinning from behind
The sight flooding into her memory,
Knowing how perfect it is going to be.

The Capturing sight, remembering it for later,
this sight so vivid, sh can see it on blank paper.
She goes to work creating what was seen,
her strokes are so pure and pristine.

From her memory, the beauty begins to form
into what she had seen on that great morn.
Knowing that it will soon be complete
to finish this, will become a great feat.

Her once stored memory, done for all to see,
has been bought, taken away for a great fee.
She'll always be remembered for that great sight,
of the sun's rays and colors shining so bright.

September 2. Keep On.

Here is yet another song that has helped me get through hard times....
Becky Maag is so amazing! I love you Beckers!

"Keep treading that hill till you're done.
I said keep on, keep on treading that hill till you're done.
when it feels like you're the only one that remains treading up that hill while everybody complains just keep on, keep on treading on.
keep holding up that head till you're done.
I said keep on, keep on holding up that head till you're done.
When those piercing words try to to shoot you down and you're feeling like a lead-infested goose on the ground, just keep on, keep on, holding on. you might say, Why should I make life harder on me?
or How is this gonna even profit me? But just keep on, keep on then you'll see.
Keep holding strong till you're done. When it feels like you're carrying too heavy a load and every body's left for you to do it alone just keep on, keep on holding strong. you might say, Why should I make life harder on me? or, How is this gonna even profit me?
But just keep on, keep on then you'll see.
Keep singing this song till you're done. I said keep on, keep on singing this song till you're done.
WHen the voice of the adversary's calling your name turn the other way don't you play that game.
I said keep on keep on singing on. Oh I said keep on, keep on singing on."

September 2. Arms To Find.

Becky Maag has it so right.... I miss my married, mother of a child, friendsey-friend.
This song has so much meaning for me, and I am sure for her, but
it has hit me in so many ways unexplainable.....


"Its a long trip to the back of your mind and you won't give in.
but the air's so thick with all of your fears I can breathe you in.
You hid all your thoughts in a cardboard box but it broke when the time came in.
Now they're sprawled on the sand and now I understand why you held it in.
Please find your way to these arms that are open to comfort you.
I've stitched up your wings the best way that I know so that you may fly.
And if the thread doesn't hold don't you worry at all, you've got arms to find.
The scars on your heart are reopened with memories of pain you've felt, but the advocate dear is ever so near; you've got arms to find.
please find your way to these arms that are open to comfort you.
Oh, please recall the time when joy filled your eyes.
Oh please renew that time and let it fill your life.
And if it never did then let it do so now.
And if you're struggling you've got arms to help you out today.
Please find your ways to these arms that are open to comfort you.