October 29. Closure is such a beautyful thing!

So yesterday I finally told myself that I needed to get some closure on a few things from this summer....and it wasn't an easy task on my part. It definitely took me a few months to muster up the courage to get this to happen.

I have had an issue with my failing self confidence lately, well okay pretty much for a very long time, and I was getting to the point to where I could do things with confidence this summer until my story happened this summer. Ever since then I have been so hard on myself, and I keep letting myself believe that I wasn't worth what others kept insisting. I had this mind set that the reason why I couldn't get asked out on dates was that I was just not as worth it as the other girls I knew that were the ones being asked out. And just a recent time when I was with one of my friends from the beginning of college life, she said something to me, and I guess that is was what set me off on this course of action. She told me that if I keep forgetting that I am worth it, I am going to drive her to go crazy, because I AM fun, I AM smart, I AM cool, and Beautiful. All I lack is confidence, and it is easy to come by. I think that this is what set me off yesterday. I realized that I was holding too much on to what really wasn't anything in the past, so that I couldn't go on and believe that I could have an amazing and HAPPY future. I had been dwelling too much in the past, and I wanted out so bad.

So, I sought out my closure.

I was down at Jamba getting me a White Gummy smoothie, when I got it. I don't know how to describe it; it's like some switch was flipped down in the depths of my brain and everything just made sense, I felt so much......more happy. I guess it is what you can call a slim part of true happiness. I don't know what came over me. The last thing he said to me was: "Good. Go be happy." Ya that is really not that special of something to say, but the thing is, that's what I am really looking for; and I did just that. While I was walking the 6 or so blocks home, with a detour to the Post office, I felt so much more; I was so light. I usually never say hello to people as I am walking anywhere, and yesterday, I did just that; I said "Hi" or "Hello" to EVERYONE I walked past. I don't really know what it was that had/has overcome me, but I just feel like I can conquer the world now. I think that I have found my once lost confidence again.

I also noticed a change in the way I walk, I keep my head and eyes up as I am walking to class. I look people in the eye and say hello to them as we cross paths. I believe in myself, and that good things can and will happen to me.

I just had to open my eyes and see that there is something out here for me; there is somewhere for my feet to lead me to, and there is someone out there for me.