Uncanny abilities

So I had a most amazing conversation this last night.
Oddly it was in the Smith's grocery parking lot.
I was asked about some of the things I left out of my writing ,
I guess that I just wasn't really ready for him to hear or read what I had
written about him and a few other things.

Though here are a few things that I now remember that I wanted to bring up:

That what I wrote about, my self-esteem, losing things, time, and eyes, these are all tied together, and are actually all about him. I am afraid of telling him some things about myself because I don't know what his reaction will be.

I have had some good things in life and then have seen them go away after I found them.

I am just afraid of losing this good thing that I have right now.

This is one thing that I brought up to him in a way, that "I want to just go to sleep and never wake up from the dream I wish I was living." the one where all that I had in that dreams was good and I never lost it; it grew, I helped it grow continually into something more than I thought was conceivable.

I was thinking about this all last night before I went to bed and dreamed on it as well; I came to the conclusion that when I do realize that I may have something going for me with someone or even a chance, I hold on, I hold on tightly. Because I don't want to lose what I have.
Though thinking about it, this is where the comparison comes in with sand.

When you hold on to sand in your hand too tight, trying keep it from slipping away,

it does just that,

slips through your fingers unwantingly.

And there is nothing that you can do about it either.

All you can do is watch it slip out of your fingers.

I guess that I just need to start loosening my grip on the sand, and what I have; maybe it will stay longer with me. Maybe, just maybe it will continue to flourish and become the something that I have longed for all these years, and turn into the thing that I have searched for and have been told that could happen.

I just wish I could tell him all this WHILE I am with him.

He just has this uncanny ability of making me nervous, full of fluttering butterflies, and I lose all that was on my mind, because it would then be filled with things of him, or nothing there at all, with this overwhelming feeling of comfort and .....peace.
He makes me feel so much more different than some others that I have been around.
I don't know what it is, but I like it, I love the way I feel when I am with or around him.

I can feel my light shine brighter when he is near.

I just need to have faith that what ever the Lord has in store for me, will happen, be fine, and all will work out for the best in the end.

I am starting to see the bigger pickature......

A Bit about me...

Level 1
( ) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
( ) Smoked shisha

SO FAR: 0
Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
( ) Been Dumped
() Shoplifted
( ) Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 2
Level 4
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person ---not like WAY older 3-4 yrs
(x) Skipped School- oh man, high school sucked, and I still do it sometimes
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 5
Level 5
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain-No but I want to someday. Galicia!
(x) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 7
Level 6
(x) Eaten Sushi
() Been Snowboarding
(x) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
(x) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 10
Level 7
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers - man, Knee surgerys are wonderful
(x) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel -Who doesn't?
SO FAR: 14

Level 8
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
(x) Gone mudding -- ON four-wheeler and Dirt bike yes....
(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 19
Level 9
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledging -- what the crap is sledging??
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game -ehehehe fun stuff
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School -- i fell asleep all the time in high school and a few of my classes now..psha.

SO FAR: 23
Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake
(x) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 26
Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
() Been Robbed / Vandalized --
() Been cheated on --
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 28
Level 12
(x) Won A Contest - poetry contest
() Been Suspended From School --
() Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident -- Not a very bad one though, MANY dirt bike wrecks...hehehe they are fun...

SO FAR: 30
Level 13
(x ) Had / Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night-- all last semester...many a time
(x) Danced in the moonlight -- with some roomies, and out at the sand dunes with my younger cousins...we are weird...

SO FAR: 33
Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look --okay who hasn't at least once?
(x) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
( x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes-- if you know me, you know this well...

SO FAR: 37
Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud -- It feels goooood! I love mud!
(x) Been Lost -- quite a few times...
(x) Swam In The Ocean -- yeah, and the water was cold!
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying --

SO FAR: 41
Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep-- wont go there...
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Coloured With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers -- who doesn't? if you don't then you are not real....
(x) Sang Karaoke --
( x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins-- hahah track meets.....pft

SO FAR: 46
Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't -- gaaahhh...yes
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls -- haha yeah,
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose --
() Kissed In The Rain -- nope, but I most deffinately want to

SO FAR: 49
Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles - still love to, so relaxing
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere --mmmm fires.....

SO FAR: 53
Level 19
( ) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 55
Level 20
( x) Worn Pearls-- tried them on for like a min
() Jumped Off A Bridge --so want to, I almost did, thanks REECE
(x) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina" -- hahahaha. don't ask
( ) Swam With Dolphins..

SO FAR: 57
Level 22
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube -- stupid ice cubes
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes -- Yup! Guy shirst and shoes are amazing!
(x) Sat On A Roof Top -- Yes'sa. I love it!

SO FAR: 60
Level 23
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs --
( x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel-- boooyaa! Adrenaline rush..and I am a junkie for that...
( ) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 63
Level 24
(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree --
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared to Watch Scary Films Alone

SO FAR: 67
Level 25
(x) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
() Gone Streaking
( x) Visited Jail-- field trip, not been in. I dont know if that was the meaning but I just made it the meaning...hehehe

SO FAR: 69
Level 26
(x) Played Chicken
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on -- stupid little kiddie pools...
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger- weird
() Broken A Bone --
(x) Been Easily Amused -- uh- huh

SO FAR: 73
Level 27
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later - Deep sea fishin, and all fishin...
( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one -- *pukes* are you kidding? what the???
(x) Caught A Butterfly -- yes, moths were fun too, and then tearing their wings off....sad but true I was and am still a bully
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried-- Pamela...wow yes
( x) Cried So Hard You Laughed--- Last semester...WOW

SO FAR: 77
Level 28
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone -- my sisters....hehehe
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You - Oh man. gross!
(x) Cheated On A Test -- yes...I know...
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name --yes, and sometimes it's on purpose....
( ) French Braided Someones Hair
() Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(x) Tried to hurt yourself

SO FAR: 82
Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster-- um who hasn't?? Adrenaline rush!!
() Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
() Black-Mailed Someone--
( ) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 84
Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs -- oh my gosh! all last semester my 7:45am class...it was horrible, just about every day I had that class it sucked!
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone-- many times....my roomie made me mad, and just for the heck of it on the shoulder...
(x) Licked Someone-- yup...little kids' faces, my sisters hand...i am weird..

SO FAR : 88
Level 32
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain ??? mmm no.
( x) Flattened someones tires-- hehe Bike tires...my little sister...hahahahaha
(x) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on-
(x) Got five dollars or less worth of gas-- I am poor...what can I say?

TOTAL: 91

Ice Cream Flavors

My uncle was telling me the other day,
that finding someone to date or marry is like finding your favorite or the best Ice cream flavor.
When you find the one that you like and know is the best kind,
You don't really have to try looking for another flavor. You know that the kind you have is the best and you don't have to try another to see if it is. You can but, it is unnecessary.
You can keep the flavor you have and make it through life just as well as if you tried a few different ones, and stuck with the one that was the best.
Its conceivable that I have found my flavor of ice cream.

Only time will tell.

Time

Time .
What if time were to slow down? What would happen?
WOuld we stop moving completely, if it was to be stopped, or if slowed down would we move just as slow?

We all are running on a biological clock. Which time controls...But do they all run close to the same pace?
How are we all interconnected? IF so, is this how we find the ones we are to love and know for our lives, whether they be friends or more than friends?


Why does it always seem that everything I want or wish to happen happens at other times than I would like?
Father time,
oh how I wish you would slow your hands to make these moments last.
Just the thought of this actually being possible
brings me great comfort.
I just need to trust God.
Trust myself, and have faith as well.
I know that THIS will work out.
I need to gain a little more confidence in myself and know that I am capable of being.
That I need to have a little more patience in myself and let things grow.
It is not like it is just going to be there over night or in a few hours.
SO let it grow, Help it grow. Keep doing what is right and You will know what to do when the time comes.

I know, I will know.

A light

"Father time please get arthritis.
Slow your hands
they move to fast
I want to make this moment last..."

So I think I may have found one with whom I may converse and confide in...
I have have been given a light.
One that I have never before set my eyes upon.
I hope that only good may come of this,
Only time will tell.

We will see as to what will come of this.

Rafting-ness

So I just got back from a three day trip to Riggins, ID for our churches Young Single Adult activity. It was one of the most amazing, radtastical, trips I have been on!!!!
Just going with a bunch of people your age and having that much fun on the river and rafting. The BeST
I was with the "late group". We left around 7:45 Nevada time with 18 people to two vehicles, and we were on our way to the Place of amazingness. The trip that was supposed to only take about 6-7 hours, took us almost 12. We arrived at the place we were supposed to be at about 5: freakin 30 in the morning. We had to get up around 7. So we had about a 2 hour nap if that, on tarps laid out on the grass....wow. But it was pretty cool to sleep under what was left of the stars, the sun was coming up as we were lying out on the grass. SO... we started out playing lots of frisbee waitin for another group that was coming with us that wasn't from Nevada. We got into our boats and started down the river.
I had so much fun. The first 11ish miles were filled with very much water fighting. IT was stupendous.

I was sad to leave this morning. It was an extreemely beautyful place...I missed how slow the day went by on Friday. It was most intriguing.
I had the best day ever!!
The ride home was even better. Lots of exciting things happened as well...

For another day.
Peace.

Control

So I got this phone call the other night from someone that has been ignoring me for the past two and a half months after I had one of our friends told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Then he called last night wanting to talk to me and tell me why he pushed me away and never talked to me. Though since I was working 12 hours today and had to get up at 4am when he called at 11 was not so fun. He left me a few messages...which were all broken up and didn't really make sense.

I am so ... lost. I realized today as I sat pulling weed after weed for 4 hours, that I really liked him when we were actually talking and speaking to each other. Since he has been ostracising me, there were more that a few times when I really needed someone to talk to; he was the one that I was able to talk to without hesitation, and feel comfortable with it, and he would completely understand and help me through it. And now I don't have anyone, well I do, but still....I miss what we used to have, just our friendship. Why? Where did all that go in such a short time?

I wish I could make it all better.
Though I don't have control over it.